The Little Fears; A Mini-Horror For Every Opponaut

"PS9" (PS9)
10/31/2015 at 16:55 • Filed to: None

Dusty: You live to see the day where over-development and climate change combine to make rallying anywhere on earth impossible.

$kaycog: You are delighted to receive a free 2007 Ford GT. You lift the rear-hood to find a 3 cylinder diesel and CVT in place of the awesome Supercharged V8. Because both parts are VW, the government has recalled it for failing emissions.

Denver: Ford brings back the ranger...as a luxury pickup with a useless velour bed and a $50k price tag.

EL_ULY: The world health organization classifies common household sugar as a class 1 carcinogen in cookie monsters. Governments around the world make cookie batter production illegal. Both cookie batter and table sugar become controlled substances in the United States.

Punk_girl_98: Fiat Chrysler announces the Viper is coming back...as a hybrid crossover meant to compete with the Prius V.

MontegoMan: Further emissions legislation makes ownership of carbureted engines illegal. In trade for your Montego which will now be crushed, the government offers you a complimentary Nissan Micra....which it will then confiscate and crush for being illegally imported to the united states.

Dsscats: The yakuza, extremely unhappy with the united states gobbling up all the soon-to-be-legal-for-import R33s, buys up most of the remaining supply and uses market speculation to inflate the price beyond seven-figure levels. Current R33 owners in the US immediately sell theirs and become millionaires(again). Prices remain inflated beyond mere mortal purchasing ability FOREVER.

Gamecat: Corporate beer lobbyists succeed in their decades long effort to kill local craft breweries. Budwiser, Coors, and ‘natty ice’ become the only legal beers in the US. Everything else either gets brought out or goes out of business.

Hammerhead Fistpunch: All the great public overlanding trails and spots are sold by the US to a patchwork of private organizations. You can still go offroading if you can swing the $1000/ticket entrance fee.

TheHondaBro: Autodesk expands it’s already monopolistic levels of marketshare over 3D animation software by buying maxon. Since they sell the only 3D software worth buying, they decide they can charge whatever they want for it. Cinema 4D now costs $399. Per month.

Also, Honda cancels the NSX again.

My Citroen Won’t Start: Your citroen DOES start and works reliably. But it is the only one on the continent of South America to do so. Out of jealousy, all the other Citroen owners gang up and decide to murder both you and your blasted Citroen.

Alex Is In His Heaven And All Is Right With The World: The new Japanese prime minister runs on a ‘destroying anime and kotaku culture’ platform, and wins the election by a huge landslide. Anime output from japan falls 95% in one year.

Opposauruswrxless: Your WRX kills it’s owner and hunts you down and tortures your new car to death out of jealousy. out of fear for your life, you agree to go back to being it’s owner...FOREEEEEVVVEEEERRR

Logansteno: Your dad decides to trade in the family silverado for a loaded Tahoe. The dealer will cut him a sweet deal if he can find a way to get that M3 you’ve been flaunting around his son at school from you. So he does. In exchange for helping with the tahoe purchase, he gives you a pink manual Mirage without the touchscreen interior package.

K-Roll PorscheTamer: Porsche abandons the flat six for everything below the 911 GT3. Everything else gets a snail, an electric motor, or both. An NA powered manual Porsche now will cost $700k and will be produced in no more than 50 examples/year.

DISCUSSION (54)

CB > PS9
10/31/2015 at 16:58

Spooooooky.

Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch > PS9
10/31/2015 at 16:59

Lol, every Opponaut... is like 15 total.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:01

*sighs*

Someday I’ll be famous.

PS9 > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
10/31/2015 at 17:02

sm70: You become a famous race car driver. At an event meant to let fans meet you in person, you are kidnapped by one crazed stalker, and taken to their ‘fun dungeon’ for ‘activities’.

bob and john > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:02

oh oh, do me!

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:04

*regrets statement*

Someday I’ll be a nobody.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:04

I’m offended by the lack of my inclusion.

El Rivinado > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:06

What do you think my fear is?

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:08

None of them are stuck in Florida though.

Funktheduck > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:08

You're missing a lot of oppos. Feelings have been and will be hurt. I'm gonna go cry into my beer now

PS9 > Bman76 (no it doesn't need a WS6 hood) M. Arch
10/31/2015 at 17:08

Disclaimer: EveryDoesNotConstituteAnIndicationOfASpecificNumberBetweenZeroAndInfinity.TheLittleFearsIncIsNotResponsibleForAnyResemblenceTheseFictionalTalesHaveToRealLifeEvents.AllOffersVoidInEveryJurisdictionOfTheContingusContintentsOfPlanetEarth.AllSalesFinalNoWarrantyImpliedOrExpressed

CB > El Rivinado
10/31/2015 at 17:10

You find the perfect 8-series, but the A/C doesn’t blow cold: it sprays blood instead. No mechanic can find the cause of this.

Axial > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:16

Wat, no Rusto? Mercedes? Party-vi? Dusenberg?

PS9 > bob and john
10/31/2015 at 17:16

Peter Black: You are riding your motorcycle at night. A woman with long black hair and a Ducati appears besides you and challenges you to race. You speed up to catch her, not noticing that the road has continued to stretch unnaturally into the distance. At the vanishing point, the woman, road and your bike disappear. You have been teleported to an alternate dimension completely filled with black and purple tentacles. “GOTCHA.” An inhuman voice says, as you are ripped into ten thousand little pieces.

jariten1781 > bob and john
10/31/2015 at 17:16

Elio pushes for changes to motorcycle regs to allow their trike to be driven without a helmet. NHTSA agrees and writes them broadly including required crash test and emissions limits. Two wheel, saddle vehicles rendered illegal.

CB > Funktheduck
10/31/2015 at 17:19

You go to drink your beer, but it’s been replaced with brake fluid. You check your fridge, and there’s no beer, only bottles of DOT 4. You gfet in your car to go pick up more beer, but your brakes don’t work: the fluid was replaced with beer. You crash your car into a haunted mental asylum built on an aboriginal burial ground and promptly die from dysentery.

traderQAMobileTestAutomationMobileBoostOn > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:22

Lol, now I think every opponaut besides the ones you mentioned will beg you for their story.

Mine?

PS9 > Funktheduck
10/31/2015 at 17:23

FunkTheDuck: The magical duck that granted you your funk comes and takes it back. You are miserable without it. You stalk him for 10 years waiting for the perfect moment. On new years eve, he is alone in a public bathroom. There, you strike.

As you see yourself in the mirror, splattered with duck blood, entrails and bits of afro and gold chain, you recoil at the horrible being you’ve let yourself become. Then you cackle madly, lifting a duck spleen above your head and squeezing all of it’s fluids onto your face.

PS9 > Axial
10/31/2015 at 17:30

Axial: Rusto, Mercedes and Party-vi invite you to their oppo halloween party. You get there to find you are the only attendee. Mercedes shuts the door, blocking your exit.

They then reveal themselves to be 3 separate visages of the same ravenous being. They merge before you, becoming a pillar of teeth, eyes and flesh. “ THERE CAN ONLY BE OOOOONNNNEEEE ” A hellish cacophony of voices scream as the whole morass splits open and devours you.

Later on in the week, Gamecat get’s a christmas party invite from Rusto, Mercedes, Party-vi...and ‘Axial’. ‘Be sure to bring the kids!’is enthusiastically written in the footnote.

traderQAMobileTestAutomationMobileBoostOn > Van Man, rocks the Man Van
10/31/2015 at 17:30

Kinda like being the last to be chosen for the football team captain lol

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:30

Do I even want to know what my horror will be?

bob and john > jariten1781
10/31/2015 at 17:31

....

thats terrifying actually

Funktheduck > CB
10/31/2015 at 17:31

I laughed. Thanks

bob and john > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:32

....IDK which one is worse between yours and jariten’s tbh with you

Funktheduck > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:32

That is amazing.

El Rivinado > CB
10/31/2015 at 17:34

No, that's not my biggest fear. I wonder what PS9 might think my big fear is.

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:36

Do me pleeeeeaaaaaassssse

traderQAMobileTestAutomationMobileBoostOn > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
10/31/2015 at 17:38

Side note:

How long has your username said “Why Duesenberg?” Because ever since I started reading oppo about 2 years ago, I always thought it said “Why NOT Duesenberg?”

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:44

Now I feel left out.

Jack Does Cars > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:44

DoMeDoMeDoMeDoMe

I’ll give you a high-5, if we were to meet in person.

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:49

These would be 100 times better if i was in it :)

PS9 > Van Man, rocks the Man Van
10/31/2015 at 17:50

Van Man: ‘Doo me, pleeeeeeeaaassse’ you cry out, banging your fists on the side of the van everyone talks about. The one where a practitioner of the worlds oldest profession sets up shop every weekend. you’ve seen her in all her shapely glory before, dragging guys into the van. You’ve heard the stories of how totally awesome her ’skill set’ is. You just want one night. It’s not much to ask, right? Your money’s as good as anyone else’s, right?

The barn door on the back cracks open. “Sure thing, baby. C’mon in.” A voice says. You walk to the back of the van and...something about the inky blackness filling the area inside upsets you. You remember seeing her bring clients back here, but you don’t remember seeing this van before today. How is that possible? You remember the stories you’ve heard...but not the people who told them to you. But it doesn’t matter, right? All you want is your turn. ‘That’s all I want...that’s all I want...’ you keep thinking to yourself in a voice you slowly realize is not your own...

“What’cha waiting for, baby?” A far deeper, angrier voice says. “...C’mon in!” You see a bony reptilian hand and a large claw emerge from the darkness. before you can finish turning around to run, it wraps round your throat, pulling you into the inky blackness of the van.

You are never seen again.

TwinCharged - Is Now UK Opponaut > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:50

*squeaks*

Although I’ve been dead for a few weeks already so...

Van Man, rocks the Man Van > PS9
10/31/2015 at 17:59

That was... um... strange.

Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap > PS9
10/31/2015 at 18:09

But for real. What is mine.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > traderQAMobileTestAutomationMobileBoostOn
10/31/2015 at 18:14

It did. But ever since this debacle I have changed it. At some point here I will switch it back.

Brian Silvestro > PS9
10/31/2015 at 18:32

that last one is basically already true

PS9 > Jack Does Cars
10/31/2015 at 18:34

Jack Does Cars: The new years party has ended. All your friends and family have left. Your parents vacate the house to catch a movie. “So, baby? You down for this or what?” She says, dragging your upstairs.

Before you know it, you’re having the best sex of your life. “Yeah, baby!” She squeals, “GIVE IT TOO ME!” You pour your heart and soul into it as she becomes colder to the touch and more...solid. Whatever, you don’t mind. The sweat beneath your palms feels becomes slicker and greasier. Your grip on her expands as she gets...wider... “Yeah...yeah...OWW!” You shout, thrusting yourself into what feels like solid metal..

...because it is. You are naked, covered in WD40, in the dead of night, on your knees behind a barn-door style econoline van sitting on concrete bricks. “Oh no, he’s coming too!” A familar voice says, “You said he wouldn’t do that!”

“No,” An unmistakable voice argues, “I said I’m still practicing my mind control powers and that they are completely unstable. Why do you do that? Why do you hear whatever you want every time I speak to you?”

“Roman?” you ask. “Mr. Regular? Is...IS THAT A CAMERA???” A flashing blue and red siren flickers against the white van. “Whoops. To the escape-Fit!” You hear roman yell. “THIS IS THE POLIIIIICE! STAY WHERE YOU ARE, DON’T MOVE YOU CRAZY PERSON!” You get up to run after them and slip in a puddle of WD40 that has been sprayed all about the ground. “This is officer Haaarolld Sloooowviinski,” The officer says, “You-you know what, you kids and your craaaazy car sex schemes, I don’t what the hell is going on, you’re like the thiird guuuy thiiis weeeeek we’ve caught out here!”

Your boy, BJR > PS9
10/31/2015 at 18:36

Ah, so you already know nothing scares me. Good.

El Rivinado > CB
10/31/2015 at 18:40

But it is pretty good though.

Axial > PS9
10/31/2015 at 18:41

You know, I’m fairly certain that there’s an episode of Superman: The Animated Series that is pretty much this.

El Rivinado > Your boy, BJR
10/31/2015 at 18:54

I’ll take a crack at it.

GM decides to kill Cadillac because they want to bring SAAB back, in an official press release saying “This time, it will work.”

However, before they kill of Cadillac, they decided to make limited production runs of the 1959 Cadillac and the 72 Coupe Deville as one last hurrah for the brand before it’s sent out to pasture.

However, GM decides that these great vestiges need to be built by luxury car companies that know what they’re doing. So the 59 Cadillacs are badged and sold as Lincolns, with EcoBoost 4 cylinders replacing the V8 engine, and the 72 Coupe Deville is sold and badged as a BMW, who stiffen the suspension, put the kidney grille on it, chop off the overhangs, and sell it as a tribute to the 2002.

Also, GM says that they want one final car from Cadillac to continue on the brand’s grand legacy. So, they choose the SRX as the model, and decide to rebadge it as a Pontiac and sell it as a revival of the Aztek.

pjhusa > PS9
10/31/2015 at 19:10

I feel sad

pjhusa > bob and john
10/31/2015 at 19:10

ummmm...

PS9 > aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe
10/31/2015 at 19:17

Aperson: Is all you are now. You don’t know how long ago it was when you blinked and entered someone else’s body. Thousands of lives later, you wonder where it was that car with your body ended up when you first did it. So many different faces, lives and contexts have passed, you don’t have any of your own anymore.

You see a man with a suit and tie in the mirror, getting ready for an important engagement. You blink, and now you’re a child witnessing a violent argument between your parents. Blink; you’re a teenage girl on a rollercoaster with a boy who hopes for more than friends. Blink; there’s a smartphone in your face with a single message texted to you.

‘Give it back’

You have no idea what it is or who wants it back. In a few moments to a few hours later, you won’t even be this person anymore. You don’t even care. You blink again, and your a senator listening to the president try to convince you to vote for a bill. Blink; you’re a car mechanic pulling out a starter. Blink; you in a hospital bed dying of cancer. Blink;

You’re a man before billboard that says in giant letters, ‘GIVE. IT. BACK.’

‘Give what back?’ You ask. ‘How?’

You’re out of that body, but not by choice. You’re a man holding a gun, a woman stands in the corner before you, a small child behind her “What? No. This...this isn’t right...” The blinks come on their own now. You’re the leader of a brutal dictatorship watching henchmen flay your brother. “NO!” You scream. Blink; you’re a teenager headed to school with his father’s Tac-9 in the back pack. “I HAVE A GUN!” You shout to the bus driver. Blink; You’re in a basement, a naked woman stares tearfully at you from a cage you built for her. Before you finish trying to toss her the key, Blink; you’re a prison guard. You have a bag of weed in your pocket, received as payment for guarding the laundry room. A man inside, one of four, cries in horror. “NO, goddamnit.”

Blink: “Stop”
Blink: “STOP”

Blink, blink, blink,blink

“STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!”

It stopped. You open your eyes. You are the co-pilot of an airplane. “You think we don’t know what you did?” The pilot says. “You think we can’t control this? You think you’re untouchable just because no one else figured it out?”

“I don’t ‘think’ anything!” You shout. “I don’t even know how this fucking works, I just want it to stop.”

“It will. Once you give it back.”

“Give what back!?”

“Playing dumb will not help you, and it won’t convince us to spare you. This is your last chance. You’ll be stuck where you are once we cut it off, and don’t think we can’t.” You put your hands in your face and sob tearfully.

“I don’t know what you want me to do. I don’t understand. Please, just...just make it stop.”

“You can hand it over now...or you can blink one last time. Your choice.”

Not knowing what it is they want still, who they are, what it is you took from them, or how any of this works, you pick your only remaining option; you blink one last time.

You’re a security guard in a uniform you’ve never seen before. Your gun is gone, but you know you’re supposed to have one. An alarm blares throughout the hallway and you see...you. Stealing a small glowing box suspended in mid air over a pedestal. “Hey! HEY!!” You shout to yourself. The other you turns around, pointing your gun at you

“We’re sorry.” ‘You’ say to yourself in a chorus of inhuman voices. “We just needed a body. Yours was chosen at random.”

“What the fuck is going on!?”

“We...displaced you when we took your body. You’ve been leaping into others ever since we absorbed the Cothexis cube. You were never meant to exist this way...and now you won’t. This won’t kill you...but you won’t leap anymore after this. We’re sorry, but this is for the best.”

“HEY!” the pilot’s voice says from round the corner. The entity shoots you in the head. Everything fades to black.

They lied. You did leap one last time. You look down, and you see your hands cuffed to a chair. You’re wearing an orange jumpsuit. Your head has been shaved bald and there a leather cap with large wires running from the celing into it. Before you, there is an audience of people. Victims of the terrible things this person did. ‘No.’ You say to yourself, denying the new information in your head, ‘I won’t have that as my last memory.’

“You got’ny last words, sun?” A man wearing a correction’s officer uniform asks you.

“Yeah”. You say, “This is for the best.”

The switch is flipped. A great blinding pain strikes your body, and all is black.

aberson Bresident of the FullyAssed Committe > PS9
10/31/2015 at 19:20

10/10

Your boy, BJR > El Rivinado
10/31/2015 at 19:26

This doesn't scare me, it just angers me.

GhostZ > PS9
10/31/2015 at 19:37

PS9: After an unfortunate accident involving the Kinja moderators, your hands are crushed beyond repair and you now rely on a Capuchin monkey to do any drawing, modeling, or typing.

The monkey hates cars.